{"id":1502,"date":"2025-07-28T10:58:47","date_gmt":"2025-07-28T09:58:47","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.awesomearchie.co.uk\/?p=1502"},"modified":"2025-07-28T10:58:47","modified_gmt":"2025-07-28T09:58:47","slug":"but-i-do-that-too-helping-your-partner-come-to-terms-with-your-childs-neurodivergence","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.awesomearchie.co.uk\/?p=1502","title":{"rendered":"\u201cBut I Do That Too\u2026\u201d: Helping Your Partner Come to Terms with Your Child\u2019s Neurodivergence"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
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Navigating a child\u2019s neurodivergent journey can be beautiful, challenging, and deeply emotional \u2014 especially when you and your partner aren\u2019t on the same page. It’s important to say that Ian, my husband, has always been very open minded and trusting that I, as the full time parent, knew the kids. However, the support we put in place for the kids hasn’t always been agreed by us both. It’s important for us to share how we have navigated this and how we are fully on the same page now. It’s a marathon not a sprint people!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you’re parenting a neurodivergent child (Autistic, ADHD, or otherwise) and your partner is struggling to accept or acknowledge the challenges your child faces, you are not alone. One of the most common (and frustrating) things parents hear in this situation is:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Well, I do that too \u2014 it\u2019s normal.”<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s usually said so casually. Maybe defensively. Maybe with love. But it can feel dismissive \u2014 not just of your child\u2019s experiences, but of yours too. This can cause real friction within your relationship as you can feel invalided.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So, how do you lovingly but firmly help your partner come to terms with your child\u2019s neurodivergence? Well, here is what has worked for us when talking to family members, friends and colleagues. we hope it helps you too \ud83d\ude42<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Start with Compassion and not with Conflict<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Your partner is probably really scared. For many people, recognising neurodivergence in their child means grieving the expectations they didn\u2019t even know they had. It can stir up old wounds and force unpleasant memories \u2014 especially if they see parts of themselves in your child.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You could always say…
\u201cI know this is a lot to take in. I feel it too. But we can\u2019t support our child properly unless we\u2019re honest about what they need.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Validate Their Feelings and then Redirect<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s okay to say:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cYes, lots of people forget things or get overwhelmed. But what we\u2019re seeing in our child is more intense, more frequent, and it\u2019s affecting their daily life. That\u2019s when it goes beyond what some may call “typical\u2019\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Normalize the difference<\/em>, not just the similarity.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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If you can, use Real-Life Examples Without Blame<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Sometimes, partners need concrete moments to connect the dots.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWhen we were at the birthday party and he hid under the table for 30 minutes \u2014 that wasn\u2019t just being shy. That was sensory overload. And he needs support for that, not to be told off.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Stick to observations<\/strong>, not labels. Let the reality speak louder than the potential diagnosis (at first).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Offer Information Gently, Not as a Weapon<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Throwing a stack of articles or diagnostic criteria at someone in denial rarely works. Instead, try offering one relatable video, a short article, or even a TikTok from a neurodivergent adult.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI found this video helpful \u2014 it\u2019s from someone who was diagnosed late and talks about how it affected their childhood. It really helped.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Invite curiosity, don\u2019t demand agreement.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Be Clear About What Your Child Needs \u2014 and Why It Matters Now<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Your child is growing. Early understanding = better support = healthier development.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWhether we label it or not, our child is struggling. They need us<\/em> to understand them before the world tries to misunderstand them.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Frame it as proactive love, not some neuroscience lesson.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Point to Progress, Not Perfection<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Remind your partner this isn\u2019t about \u201cfixing\u201d your child , THEY ARE NOT BROKEN!\u2014 it\u2019s about understanding them so they can thrive.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cNeurodivergence isn\u2019t a problem. Ignoring it can be.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

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Set Boundaries Where Needed<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

If your partner is repeatedly invalidating, mocking, or refusing to support necessary accommodations (like therapy, sensory tools, or school meetings), it\u2019s okay to draw a line:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cThis is not up for debate anymore. Our child\u2019s needs are real, and I\u2019m going to advocate for them \u2014 with or without your agreement.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

It doesn\u2019t mean you stop inviting them in. But your child\u2019s wellbeing comes first.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Believe us when we say we know that it\u2019s hard \u2014 emotionally, mentally, and relationally \u2014 when the person who should be your teammate is struggling to see what you see. But change doesn\u2019t always happen overnight.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For more hints and tips, subscribe to our you tube channel \ud83d\ude42 <\/p>\n\n\n\n

https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/@awesomearchieautismsupport<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/figure>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Navigating a child\u2019s neurodivergent journey can be beautiful, challenging, and deeply emotional \u2014 especially when you and your partner aren\u2019t on the same page. It’s important to say that Ian, my husband, has always been very open minded and trusting that I, as the full time parent, knew the kids. However, the support we put … <\/p>\n

Continue reading “\u201cBut I Do That Too\u2026\u201d: Helping Your Partner Come to Terms with Your Child\u2019s Neurodivergence”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.awesomearchie.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1502"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.awesomearchie.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.awesomearchie.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.awesomearchie.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.awesomearchie.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1502"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/www.awesomearchie.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1502\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1506,"href":"https:\/\/www.awesomearchie.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1502\/revisions\/1506"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.awesomearchie.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1502"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.awesomearchie.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1502"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.awesomearchie.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1502"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}