{"id":1513,"date":"2025-08-03T08:07:41","date_gmt":"2025-08-03T07:07:41","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.awesomearchie.co.uk\/?p=1513"},"modified":"2025-08-03T08:07:41","modified_gmt":"2025-08-03T07:07:41","slug":"nothing-changes-if-nothing-changes-a-hard-truth-that-we-as-pda-parents-now-know-all-too-well","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.awesomearchie.co.uk\/?p=1513","title":{"rendered":"\u201cNothing Changes If Nothing Changes\u201d \u2014 A Hard Truth That We As PDA Parents Now Know All Too Well!"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
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There\u2019s a saying that spins around in my head on the really tough days:
\u201cNothing changes if nothing changes.\u201d<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

And if you’re, like us, parenting a child with PDA (Pathological Demand Avoidance)<\/strong>, that truth hits harder than most.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

PDA isn\u2019t just a list of behaviours or seemingly rude outbursts. It\u2019s a neurodivergent profile driven by a deep, anxiety-based need to remain in control. This can mean explosive meltdowns, avoidance so intense it looks like defiance, and seemingly unpredictable reactions to the most basic of requests \u2014 brushing of teeth, putting on socks or even playing a game they themselves asked to play just five minutes earlier.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ian and I started Our journey with Herbie thinking we could parent the way we were taught in the standard parenting books. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

” If you are in control of your child at all times then you are an effective paren<\/em>t” <\/p>\n\n\n\n

We tried sticker charts, timers, reasoning, \u201cjust one more chance,\u201d and all the classic parenting scripts written in the MANY ” be a good Parent” books.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But here\u2019s the thing:
PDA doesn\u2019t play by the typical parenting rules.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

And the harsh truth is\u2026
Nothing changes if nothing changes<\/strong>! You HAVE to stop parenting in the way you believe that OTHERS think that you should and parent the way that YOUR child needs you to!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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You may already know<\/em> your child has a PDA profile. But knowing it and working with it<\/strong> are two VERY different things.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

To see real change \u2014 less conflict, more connection and a lot more regulation \u2014 we had to stop repeating patterns that simply did\u2019t work. For example, recognising that:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

–Demand reduction isn\u2019t giving in.<\/em>
– Autonomy isn\u2019t permissiveness.<\/em>
–Collaborative parenting isn\u2019t weakness.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

When we started to change how we approached things \u2014 from clothing choices to morning routines, homework to how we phrase requests \u2014 everything shifted and is continuing to improve every day!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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We had to learn that Herbie having control of MOST of his decisions wasn’t us loosing him, we were getting him back!!!! <\/h3>\n\n\n\n

This proved to us that when we change our approach<\/strong>, we\u2019re not giving in \u2014 we\u2019re building trust. We\u2019re showing him that he is safe, understood, and that we\u2019re a team.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For you that might look like:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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