{"id":1914,"date":"2026-10-02T10:44:37","date_gmt":"2026-10-02T09:44:37","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.awesomearchie.co.uk\/?p=1914"},"modified":"2026-10-02T10:44:37","modified_gmt":"2026-10-02T09:44:37","slug":"awesome-archie-is-18-interdependence-over-independence","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.awesomearchie.co.uk\/?p=1914","title":{"rendered":"Awesome Archie is 18: Interdependence over Independence."},"content":{"rendered":"\n
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Archie is 18. Eighteen!!!! <\/p>\n\n\n\n

18 years of us as parents loving and celebrating his truly awesome self!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Yet ,18 is a number that seems to carry a lot of weight, one that’s been a touch heavy for me to carry at times. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

18 is a birthday that society tells us marks the beginning of adulthood, the point at which you are expected to step out into the world, become independent, make your own decisions and eventually live your own life. But Archie is 18, and he isn\u2019t independent ,and we are more that ok with that. Here’s why…<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For so long, in mainstream society, independence is presented as the ultimate prize. It is the thing we work towards, the milestone that tells us we have succeeded., we’ve won. We imagine our children growing up, leaving home, managing their money, getting a job, travelling independently, cooking their own meals and needing less and less help. Somehow, in societies eyes, the less support you need, the more successful you are supposed to be. But what if independence simply isn\u2019t possible for everyone? What if, for some autistic adults,like our Awesome Archie, living alone will never be realistic? Not safe? Not right for his mental health?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

What if having someone there to help navigate the world isn\u2019t a temporary stage that they are expected to grow out of, but a lifelong need? What if comfort, safety and regulation sometimes come through other people? And what if, as loving a caring parents, we are okay with this?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We don\u2019t want Archie to spend his life feeling as though he has failed because he hasn\u2019t reached somebody else\u2019s definition of independence. Why do we care what other people think of our willingness to push through outdated social barriers for the sake of our children, short answer, WE DON’T CARE! WE ONLY CARE ABOUT WHATS BEST FOR OUR CHILDREN AS INDIVIDUALS!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We don\u2019t want “adulthood” to become a constant reminder of all the things he can\u2019t do alone, he wants and needs something different. For our family, that something is interdependence.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Interdependence means recognising that all of us rely on other people in different ways, at different times and for different things. We often talk about independence as though it is something everyone should be able to achieve, but actually none of us are truly independent. We rely on partners, friends, parents, colleagues, professionals, technology and our communities. We ask for help when things become difficult. We lean on other people. We rely on people for emotional support, practical support and sometimes simply to get through an “ordinary” day. Yet when it comes to disabled people, needing that support is so often treated as something that should eventually be overcome. WHY?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Archie IS disabled. He is autistic, has ADHD, Tourettes Syndrome, has hypermobilty issues and an underlying bowel condition on top. DISABILITY IS NOT A DIRTY WORD, nor is it something that goes away the moment you become an adult!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Why do so many people crave total independence for their children as though the ultimate goal is to need nobody? <\/p>\n\n\n\n

For our family, the goal is not for Archie to become someone who needs no one. The goal is for Archie to have a life where he feels safe, valued, heard and included. A life where his choices are respected and where his adulthood is recognised. A life where he can contribute, connect and experience joy. A life where he has the right support around him without that support somehow diminishing his adulthood.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Maybe Archie will one day live somewhere with fewer supports. Maybe he won\u2019t. Maybe he will work, maybe he will just continue to volunteer, or maybe his contribution to the world will look completely different from what we imagined when he was little. Maybe he will want to live with other people, or maybe he will always need family close by. There may be things he learns to do that we once thought would be impossible, and there may also be things he will never be able to do independently. None of those things however, will EVER determine his worth.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Because independence isn\u2019t a finish line. It isn\u2019t a certificate you earn that proves you have finally become an adult. It shouldn\u2019t be a prize held out in front of disabled people as the reward for years of therapy, teaching, practice and hard work. Sometimes the journey towards independence is incredibly difficult, and for some people it may be a journey they can only travel part of the way. That doesn\u2019t mean they have failed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In our family, we are choosing interdependence. Not because we have given up on Archie, we NEVER WILL, but because we believe he deserves a life where needing other people doesn\u2019t make him less adult, less capable or less worthy. Independence might be one part of someone\u2019s journey, but it isn\u2019t the destination for everyone. Our family destination, is belonging. It is a good life. It is being able to live with dignity, choice, safety and connection.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And if Archie needs other people alongside him to get there, then we as a family will proudly walk with him for along as he wants and needs us to!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Happy Birthday darling Archie. You make us so proud.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Archie is 18. Eighteen!!!! 18 years of us as parents loving and celebrating his truly awesome self! Yet ,18 is a number that seems to carry a lot of weight, one that’s been a touch heavy for me to carry at times. 18 is a birthday that society tells us marks the beginning of adulthood, … <\/p>\n

Continue reading “Awesome Archie is 18: Interdependence over Independence.”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.awesomearchie.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1914"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.awesomearchie.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.awesomearchie.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.awesomearchie.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.awesomearchie.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1914"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.awesomearchie.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1914\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1915,"href":"https:\/\/www.awesomearchie.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1914\/revisions\/1915"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.awesomearchie.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1914"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.awesomearchie.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1914"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.awesomearchie.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1914"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}