People often say that the hardest years of parenting are when your children are little. The sleepless nights, the endless worry, the meltdowns, the development milestones, the constant demands. But no one really prepares you for parenting adult children.
Because the worry doesn’t disappear, far from it—it just really changes.
As a proud neurodivergent mum, there will always be a part of me that sees my son as my baby, no matter how old he gets. My instinct is and will always be to protect him, to make sure he’s safe, to solve problems before they become overwhelming. But somewhere along the way, that role begins to shift. Instead of holding on tightly, you have to learn how to loosen your grip and trust that you’ve given them the tools they need.
And that is so much easier said than done.
For me, this journey is made even more complicated because I am an AuDHDer and live with anxiety. My brain naturally thinks about every possible outcome, every “what if,” every scenario where something could go wrong. It isn’t because I don’t trust my son, he’s incredible and I am so proud of him—it’s because my mind is wired to anticipate danger and prepare for it.
Finding the balance between being a caring mum and stepping back has been one of the biggest emotional challenges I’ve faced and I dont always get it right.
Our eldest son, Joshua, has a real love for solo travel. While a massive part of me feels incredibly anxious every time he heads off on another adventure, another part (a bigger part) of me is bursting with pride and sheer admiration. He’s so brave, independent, curious, and confident enough to explore the world on his own.
I admire that so much!!!
Every trip reminds us that he isn’t our little boy anymore. He’s his own person, creating memories, meeting people, and experiencing things I never could have imagined for him when I first held him in my arms two decades ago. I know, I dont look old enough 😉
Of course, that doesn’t stop me checking my phone a little too often or feeling like I can finally breathe again when I get a message saying he’s arrived safely or sent beautiful scenic pics of where he is.
After sharing this challenge on my Tik Tok channel it became clear from all the comments from lovely parents, that part of motherhood ever really leaves us.
What makes me even prouder is the person Joshua has become at home, not just abroad. He has been an incredible support in helping to support Archie . Caring isn’t always easy. It takes patience, compassion, understanding, and often putting someone else’s needs before your own.
Joshua has shown all of those qualities.
Watching the relationship between them has filled my heart more times than I can count. Seeing him step up without complaint, offering support and love, reminds me that although I still see my baby, he has grown into an amazing young man.
Sometimes I wonder whether I’m getting the balance right. Am I worrying too much? Am I holding on too tightly? Am I giving him enough space to become exactly who he’s meant to be? And the truth is, I don’t think that I’ll ever really know the answer to that complex balance.
I think many parents of adult children quietly wrestle with the same questions because parenting doesn’t end when they turn eighteen. It evolves. The love stays just as strong, but the job description changes. Instead of directing every step, you’re learning to cheer from the sidelines, or at least trying to! Instead of catching every fall, you’re trusting them to find their feet even when you can see the fall coming!
For someone with AuDHD and anxiety, that trust doesn’t come naturally every day. It takes a real conscious effort. It takes reminding myself that independence isn’t rejection. That needing me less doesn’t mean loving me less.
If anything, watching Joshua build his own life while still choosing to be there for our family makes me appreciate our relationship even more.
So, if you’re another parent finding it hard to let go, you’re not alone. Missing them, worrying about them, and wanting to protect them forever simply means you love them deeply.
The challenge is remembering that our job isn’t to keep them in the nest forever.
It’s to help them build wings strong enough to fly.
And even when they soar across the world, they’ll always know where home is.
