
Before we get into this one, just a little note about why we’ve specifically chosen to talk about Autistic Woman with ADHD. We don’t normally like to separate experiences by gender, in fact, I think this is the first time we EVER have. We know everyone’s experience is different. However, we’ve made a conscious decision to focus this blog on women, and there’s a really important reason for that.
For many years, autism and ADHD have been viewed, researched and understood largely through a male lens. As a result, so many women have gone through life feeling different, misunderstood or as though they’re somehow getting things wrong, without ever realising that there might be a reason behind it. Women can present differently, often mask their difficulties and develop ways of coping that make their struggles much less obvious to the outside world.
And when you add both autism and ADHD into the mix, things can become even more complicated!
So this blog is dedicated to the women who have spent years wondering why their brains seem to work in two completely different directions, the women who are only just discovering their neurodivergence, and those who have known for years but are still trying to make sense of it all.
This isn’t about saying every woman experiences AuDHD in the same way, or that men don’t face their own challenges. It’s about giving women a little bit of space to recognise themselves, feel understood and perhaps realise that some of the things they’ve struggled with throughout their lives finally make sense.
Because sometimes, being seen and understood is a pretty powerful thing! Right, lets get into it…
Have you ever felt like two different people are living inside your head? One part of you wants everything planned, organised and predictable, while the other part gets bored easily, craves excitement and wants to do something completely different at the drop of a hat. You might love your routines but also struggle to stick to them. You might desperately want to be organised but find yourself surrounded by half-finished jobs, forgotten appointments and a million thoughts racing around your head.
Sound familiar?
Well, welcome to my world, the awesome world of being both autistic and having ADHD.
Although autism and ADHD are two separate neurotypes, theyvery often occur together. And for women like me, having both can bring a particularly complicated mix of experiences, challenges and, let’s be honest, some rather exhausting contradictions!
So, how many women actually have both autism and ADHD? The impossible question to answer 😉
You might be surprised to learn just how much these two neurodevelopmental conditions overlap. For a long time, autism and ADHD were often treated as separate things, and historically, it was almost impossible to receive a diagnosis of both. Thankfully, we now have a much better understanding that someone can absolutely be autistic and have ADHD at the same time, in fact, its super common 🙂
Finding accurate statistics specifically about women specifically can be tricky, partly because women have historically been underdiagnosed or diagnosed much later in life.
However, there are some interesting figures worth looking at.
A Swedish population-based study published in 2025 looked at 454,405 young people aged between 12 and 22. It found that 1.5% of females in the study had diagnosed co-occurring autism and ADHD, compared with 2.5% of males. This is particularly interesting because it shows that having both conditions is certainly not unusual among young women.
Another large Danish population study, published in 2018 and involving nearly 1.9 million people, found that 0.43% of females had diagnosed autism and ADHD together, compared with 1.01% of males. The researchers also found that almost 48% of people diagnosed with autism had ADHD too.
These figures need a little context. They measure recorded diagnoses within particular populations, rather than telling us exactly how many women in the whole population have both. Missed diagnoses, particularly among women, mean the real picture may be very different but as many of you readers like abit of science and stats to back up what I say, I thought this would be helpful 🙂
The important thing to remember is that AuDHD is not rare, and many women are only just beginning to recognise the signs in themselves, sometimes after years of feeling that something just doesn’t quite fit. This is why I LOVE the neuro spaces on social media. Getting to see in real time people sharing their own experiences with awakening, acceptance, diagnosis etc. I actually find it super empowering.
When your brain wants routine but also craves excitement! The never ending tug of war!
Now, this is where things can get really interesting, or bloody annoying, depending on the day!
I find that one of the biggest challenges of being an AuDHDer is that the two conditions can sometimes seem to pull you in completely opposite directions.
Let’s take routine, for example.
For me, routine and predictability can be incredibly important. Knowing what is happening, when it’s happening and what to expect can bring a real sense of comfort and security to my day. Having a plan for the day, knowing the route you’re taking, eating familiar foods and keeping things in a particular order can help make life feel manageable.
Unexpected changes can be incredibly unsettling. Imagine planning your whole day around going shopping at 10am, knowing exactly where you’re going and what you’re doing, only to have somebody suddenly announce that the plans have changed. For me, this isn’t simply a minor inconvenience. It can cause genuine anxiety, overwhelm and sometimes a complete emotional shutdown.
But then along comes the ADHD side of my brain!
My ADHD can bring impulsivity, spontaneity and a constant need for stimulation. I will suddenly decide to redecorate the bedroom at 11pm, book a last-minute weekend away, start a new hobby or completely change plans because something else has caught your attention.
And there’s the often frustrating contradiction!
One minute i am craving structure and predictability, and the next I am desperate for something different because I’m bored and need stimulation.
It’s almost like your brain is saying, “Please don’t change anything, I need to know what’s happening!” followed five minutes later by, “I’m bored, let’s do something exciting!”
And sometimes both feelings are happening at exactly the same time.
The struggle between wanting to be organised and actually getting organised
Another common challenge is executive functioning. This is the brain’s ability to organise, plan, prioritise, start tasks and see things through to completion.
Both autism and ADHD can affect executive functioning, although not necessarily in the same way.
You might be someone who absolutely loves an organised home, a tidy diary and knowing where everything is. You might genuinely want to keep on top of household jobs, paperwork, appointments and everyday responsibilities.
But actually getting those things done? That’s another story!
ADHD can make it difficult to get started, particularly when a task feels boring, overwhelming or doesn’t provide enough stimulation. You might put something off for days,even though it’s constantly playing on your mind.
You may also become distracted halfway through a task. You go upstairs to put some washing away, notice something that needs cleaning, start sorting a drawer and suddenly remember an email you haven’t answered. Before you know it, you’ve got five jobs started and none finished! This is me, ALOT!!!
Meanwhile, the autistic part of your brain might be getting increasingly uncomfortable because things aren’t in the right place, your routine has gone out of the window and everything feels a little chaotic.
It’s exhausting because you genuinely want things to be organised, but your brain doesn’t always cooperate with what you want it to do.
Social situations, masking and the exhaustion nobody sees
Social situations can be another complicated area.
You may spend years learning how to navigate social situations by observing other people, copying behaviours, rehearsing conversations and trying to work out the unwritten rules of social interaction. This is often referred to as masking.
You might appear confident, chatty and perfectly comfortable around others, while internally you’re working incredibly hard to process what’s being said, understand facial expressions, manage eye contact and think about what you’re supposed to say next.
ADHD can add another layer to this already complex situation.
You might interrupt because a thought pops into your head and you’re worried you’ll forget it. You might talk too much because you’re excited about something, jump between subjects or accidentally overshare.Again….ALL ME!!!!
You might also struggle to listen when somebody is talking for a long time, even when you genuinely care about what they’re saying. And then afterwards comes the overthinking! Did I talk too much? Did I interrupt? Did I say something silly? Did they think I was rude? Why did I tell them all that?
It’s possible to enjoy being around people, love a good conversation and still find socialising incredibly draining. Sometimes you desperately want company, but at the same time you desperately want everyone to leave you alone so you can recharge.
Again, two very different needs competing for attention.
Emotional overwhelm and feeling like everything is too much
Emotional regulation can also be a significant challenge when you have both conditions.
ADHD can make emotions feel intense and immediate. You might react quickly, become frustrated easily or struggle to pause before responding. Something that seems relatively small to somebody else can feel MASSIVE in the moment.
Autism can bring its own difficulties with processing emotions, sensory overload and managing unexpected changes so put these together and everyday life can sometimes feel like a lot to handle.
Sensory sensitivities can be another big part of the picture.
Many Autistic people experience heightened sensitivity to sounds, bright lights, smells, textures and physical touch. Something as simple as a clothing label rubbing against your skin, a ticking clock or somebody chewing loudly can become incredibly distracting or uncomfortable.
ADHD can sometimes make sensory experiences complicated in a different way. You might find yourself constantly seeking stimulation, needing background noise to concentrate or struggling with silence. So you could be somebody who needs music playing while doing the housework but becomes completely overwhelmed when somebody starts talking over it!
You might love going to a pub to hear a band one day but find the same environment unbearable the next because our sensory needs can change depending on how tired, stressed or overstimulated we already are.
And this is why understanding both Autism and ADHD matters. It’s not always as simple as saying you either like stimulation or you don’t.
To medicate or not to medicate? That is the question!
The potential benefits of ADHD medication
For some people, medication can help quieten the constant stream of thoughts and make it easier to concentrate on one thing at a time.
You might find that you’re able to finish a task without getting distracted by ten other things. You may find it easier to organise your day, remember what you need to do and manage impulsive decisions.
It can also help with emotional regulation for some people, making it easier to pause before reacting when something frustrating happens.
Another potential benefit is that medication may give you more mental space to use the strategies and routines you’ve worked so hard to develop. So, imagine knowing what you need to do and actually being able to get started without spending three hours thinking about it first!
For women who have spent years feeling frustrated with themselves, this can be a really positive change.
The potential downsides of ADHD medication
Of course, medication isn’t a magic solution, and it doesn’t work perfectly for everybody.
Some people experience side effects such as reduced appetite, difficulty sleeping, headaches, increased anxiety, irritability or changes in mood.
For someone with autism, it’s particularly important to consider how medication might affect sensory experiences, appetite, sleep and emotional wellbeing.
There is also the possibility that medication may feel too stimulating or that the dose isn’t quite right.
Some people worry that medication might change their personality or make them feel less spontaneous. Others may find that the reduction in ADHD-related distractions makes them more aware of their autistic traits or sensory sensitivities.
This doesn’t happen to everyone, but it is something worth discussing with a specialist.
Finding the right medication and dose can take time, and sometimes the first medication you try isn’t the right one.
NICE recommends careful monitoring and slower dose adjustments for people with ADHD who also have neurodevelopmental conditions such as autism.
What if you decide not to take medication?
That’s absolutely a valid choice too.
There are other ways of managing ADHD, including creating supportive routines, using reminders, breaking tasks into smaller steps, making environmental changes and accessing ADHD-focused psychological support. Written plans, visual reminders and having somebody help them organise tasks can make a huge difference.
You might also find that understanding your own triggers and sensory needs helps you manage everyday life more comfortably. The important thing is finding strategies that work with your brain rather than constantly trying to force yourself to work like everybody else.
And remember, choosing not to take medication now doesn’t mean you can never reconsider it in the future. The decision should be based on your own needs, preferences and circumstances, ideally with guidance from an ADHD specialist who understands autism too.
The Positives of being an AuDHDer!!!
It’s easy to focus on the challenges, especially when everyday life can feel like such hard work.
But it’s important not to forget that having autism and ADHD isn’t simply a list of difficulties. Many AuDHD woman ( and men actually) describe themselves as creative, imaginative, curious, passionate and full of ideas.
You might have an incredible ability to notice details that other people miss, become deeply knowledgeable about subjects that interest you or think about problems in completely different ways. You may have a wonderful sense of humour, a strong sense of fairness and an ability to approach things from unusual perspectives.
ADHD can bring enthusiasm, spontaneity and bursts of creativity, while autistic traits can bring deep interests, attention to detail and a love of developing knowledge.
Of course, these aren’t guaranteed traitsbeacause we areall different. But it’s important to recognise that our brains aren’t broken. They simply work differently.
Learning to accept the brain you have
Perhaps one of the hardest things about discovering you are both autistic and have ADHD is looking back at your life and suddenly understanding so many things.
You might realise that you weren’t lazy, difficult, disorganised or overly sensitive. You were trying to navigate the world with a brain that processes information, emotions and everyday experiences differently. You might finally understand why you love routine but struggle to maintain it, why you crave social interaction but need so much time alone afterwards, or why you can spend hours obsessing over something you love but struggle to concentrate on something that feels mundane.
And perhaps most importantly, you can start to give yourself a little more understanding.
You don’t have to be perfectly organised. You don’t have to enjoy every social situation. You don’t have to cope with unexpected changes without feeling upset. And you
So, if you recognise yourself in any of this, please remember that you’re not alone. There are lots of women out there navigating exactly the same contradictions, trying to find their own balance between routine and spontaneity, structure and freedom, and wanting to do everything while sometimes struggling to do anything at all!
And maybe that’s the biggest lesson of all: instead of spending your life trying to make your brain fit into everybody else’s expectations, perhaps it’s time to start creating a life that fits your brain.
Because there’s nothing wrong with being a woman who wants a plan, loves a routine, craves a little excitement and occasionally decides to get a random Tattoo 😉































































